And Then There Were Four of Us

My firstborn left us for college last weekend. It was hard on me, but Olivia totally stole my thunder and cried her eyes out at the airport.

Why don't they tell you about the part where your kid leaves you during sex-ed class? 

The next day, Olivia and Seamus cried for hours on Jack's bed while Henry and Grace buzzed about the room grabbing everything that wasn't nailed down .

I barely heard from Jack the first few days. My amazing friend Katie took him shopping at Target, so I was able to get a little information from her. Finally, though, he needed a favor. He wanted me to check something on his old laptop. I held the information hostage until he chatted with me AND sent me a picture of his dorm. If that's the way it has to be, I can play along. I'm holding the purse strings, after all. He wasn't able to pick up the linen package we ordered him for several days after he moved in, so according to Mitch he slept on balled up sweatshirts and dried himself off with a shirt. He told ME he already had his linens so I wouldn't pester him and fret.

These are the kind of conversations we've been having.

Since he refuses to tell me any details because he's a grown-ass man, I've had to resort to stalking his debit card, which is linked to our account. So far I know he's eaten at Subway and a couple of burrito places. He bought a lightbulb at the University Bookstore. What? Everybody stalks their kids via their bank accounts, don't they?

On Monday morning, I got a call from the middle school. Olivia had a terrible stomachache and needed to be picked up. I left work, but when I got to the school she seemed fine. This is when she confessed that it wasn't her stomach that hurt, but her heart. We went home, got in our pjs and watched 80s movies together for the rest of the day. We will get there, but I don't like all this extra room in my nest.

Preshus

"Who are you playing xBox with, Henry?"

"Pedophiles, mom!"

Typical Conversation

I've been in the market for a big leather bag that can double as a camera bag and also fit my iPad and pills vitamins. Mitch and I have an agreement that for expensive items, we talk about it with each other first.

Can I buy something?

No

Damn

How about now?

I'm manic, not drunk

I love it when you're drunk and in love with me.

Give me a few hours

It's why I have two pairs of Frye loafers

Two?

Since when?

Shhh.

We'll talk about it in a few hours

Brussels!

We finally have an official handshake. We're going to Brussels. I'm sure I would be a lot more excited about it if we hadn't been jerked around so much. With no official orders we have missed our window to go home and be with family and friends. I'm still a little grumpy, but I will get over it, because Brussels! Cheese, husband, chocolate, waffles, beer! INTERNET, BITCHES! Not necessarily in that order. No dates yet, because paperwork. But soon. Now I gotta go click send on my boot order at Zappos.

So get your passports in order, because we expect visitors this time.

See how close we are to everything? This is going to be an expensive tour.

Eighteen

Well, my precious tiny infant 7lb 4oz son is a man today. Pretty soon he will learn how to make a sandwich and do his own laundry. I kid. Sort of.

We will be going out for sushi tonight at the only sushi place I haven't gotten sick from here in Brazil. Another milestone without Mitch, but the end is sort of in sight, so that's something. No, we still don't have a handshake, but I do have a new prescription. Optimism in a bottle, yo.

It's cute how we drive in to work together every day. He's getting over the horror of seeing me in the chancery halls. He even said, "Hi mom!" to me the other day, but don't worry, I responded with, "Jack! Shhhh. Don't call me mom at work, YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME."

It's hard to believe he will be getting on a plane next month for college. I wanted to write about how he and his friends got duped at a nightclub a few weeks ago, but I don't want to embarrass him by highlighting his lack of street smarts. Instead, I will embarrass him by saying that his IB scores just came back and he will be able to skip almost a year of college now. I didn't even know that was a thing, you guys. That's a shitload of money!  I'm not going to run out and buy shoes, though, because I've been cleaning out my closet and I keep finding shoes I forgot about. Just kidding, I have some Frye loafers waiting for me in the mail room right now.

Yellow and Green

By now, if you have been following the World Cup at all, you will have noticed that Brazil got trounced by the German national team earlier this week. The morning of the game, every street corner was a riot of yellow, with vendors selling the Brazilian jersey like it was going out of style. I'm not exaggerating when I say about 90% of all cars sported Brazilian flags flying behind them and many had giant flags covering their hoods. Yellow and green every where you looked. And not just on game days, either. During this entire World Cup, the yellow jersey was everywhere. People waiting for the bus, in line at the grocery store, the servers in restaurants. Busness dress at the embassy became 'yellow casual'.  

Watching as Brazil sunk lower and lower during the match, I was amazed to see the Yellow Shirts actually rooting for the Germans. The next day, and every day since, I have seen no yellow shirts. No car flags. Nothing. The city is quiet and feels thick with something I can't quite put my finger on, but it is ungood. 

Just an ousider's observations from the inside.

Monday. It Comes After Sunday.

Nothing to report, except last week I got hit by a car again. This time the car rear-ended my car at a red light going fast enough that his car was totaled. My giant SUV had a tiny wrinkle on the bumper and no one was hurt. I also sort of broke two fingers being generally clumsy, but they are healing fast. The doctor I saw about the fingers suggested I not leave the house anymore. I concurred, of course.

I am loving the World Cup. I thought I would hate it, but when Brazil is playing the city vibrates. We live in fairly rural area, but when Brazil scores, the roar of cheering and fireworks is deafening, Even when I'm walking the dog on a country road. And how about the USA team still being in it? WOOT!

This is the Post in Which I Don't Complainnotreally

GUESS WHAT, YOU GUYS?!!!!!

Nothing is new! I'm not going to waste this precious corner of the internet complaining about how my husband VOLUNTEERED to go to a war zone and common sense would dictate that we would be rewarded for our sacrifice by getting posted somewhere. Anywhere? I'm also not going to complain about how, since we don't have orders, I can't even take my firstborn child to college or go visit my family and friends. Because nobody likes a complainer, y'all. 

Instead, I'm going to to write a few words about what's going on in good ole' Brazil these days:

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I. Just. Can't. Even.

Hi!

Hey! We got our assignment! JustkiddingIhateeverything. The kids have settled into summer break pretty well, despite the fact that they are calling it "Mom's Summer of Pain" since we have no cleaner. In fact, in the past few weeks, Jack yelled at me for opening a new box of cereal when already had several opened in the pantry, and also for leaving said box out on the counter. He also got upset when Grace tracked dirt all over his freshly mopped kitchen floor.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tomorrow is the first day of summer camp at the embassy. Jack is working as lead counselor and the girls are attending. Henry has nothing to do because no one gives a rat's ass about middle schoolers. Jack actually has a real job that starts in a few weeks. Full time employment! I don't think I could even be out of my bed for that many hours, but he's looking forward to his first Big Boy Job. He will be working in the financial management section at the embassy, which could not be more perfect for him.


Oh, and maybe you've heard that there's some kind of soccer event going on right now in Brazil. The entire city shuts down during the games. No one is on the roads. I've never seen anything like it. I wrote about it  for work, but mostly I just wrote about my lack of knowledge about the whole thing. We've also been busy preparing for another visit by the VPOTUS. You know you are in the Foreign Service when you tell you kids what is going on next week and they're all, "We have to go see Joe Biden AGAIN?"

Passages

Mitch came and left, and I pretty much missed the whole thing, but more on that in a minute. My little ladies turned eleven! It was a Cupcake Wars kind of birthday, and my kitchen will never be the same. 

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They also graduated from fifth grade to middle school, which apparently requires badass footwear. I really don't know where they get it.

Last Friday was Jack's graduation ceremony. In the photo below, I was feeling okay. Two hours later, in the middle of the ceremony, I started getting chills. By the time I got home I had a fever of 103 and my skin and bones hurt so much I couldn't even blink my eyes without pain. The next thing I knew, it was four days later.I missed Jack's graduation dinner and his prom. I also missed half of Mitch's visit. The timing could not have been worse. Or better, because thankfully he was able to represent our family at Jack's events and run the house (side note: our new cleaner quit before Mitch got home, so it was all on him!). It was probably Dengue Fever, as I've had a flu shot this year, but I was too sick to go get the blood test, and there's nothing you can do for Dengue, anyway. 

We made a graduate! 

A big box of USC swag arrived and the girls have not taken off their slippers since. Did you guys know that USC is the fourth most expensive college in the nation? The more you know.

He did it! Can you see him? He's the one throwing his hat up in the air.

I crawled downstairs on all fours and took this picture of my brood all dressed up for the prom. It is just plain adorable that the prom in Brazil is a family affair.

This is the part of the prom where you are supposed to dance with your parent. Grace filled in for me.

The girls had a very good time at their first prom.

We are so proud of Jack. USC is a really hard school to get into, and when they didn't give him a big enough academic scholarship to make it comparable to University of Washington, he contacted them all on his own and they gave him more money. He already has his roommate lined up, a Brazilian friend so he can keep up with his portuguese. I'm on my way right now to pick him up at the airport from his Senior trip. He's been on some Brazilian beach for a week. 

Oh, and guess what? WE STILL DO NOT HAVE AN ONWARD ASSIGNMENT.  I know, right?!